It’s 2025 now. A lot has happened since 2007. My heart evolved, and in the process my voice was shattered after putting it through so much forced suppression. I’ve been rebuilding it ever since. Transitioning only made it much more difficult to figure out where to place my vocals in my craft, my art.
It’s taken me about 4 years to really allow my voice to embrace its entire spectrum of registers and range. Sometimes I’ll sing in low chest voice with ranges in baritone, and other times I will slide into tenor, and push into a gritty head voice.
In this clip you’ll hear a tone that somehow developed while I tried to bridge my low vocals with my mix range. I am still figuring it out, but I am a lot more free. I have posted quite a few videos in my other platforms demonstrating my deeper fuller vocals, I’ll share that in another post. For now, I mostly want to focus on the lyrical content and it’s delivery.
on RX GOD, a heretical song
This song is lyrically dense in meaning and symbolism, RX GOD is a rebellious gospel if I had to describe it succinctly. A heretic’s song if you will, intentional apostasy for the sake of living, feeling present, being.
This clip is of verse 2 and chorus 2, but I think this section helps demonstrate my style and intensity. I tend to break out of a cage when I sing a climatic verse, because I lived everything I write about. I cannot present it any other way.
on verse 1 and how the song begins
The song starts in verse 1 describing “falling asleep” and waking up somewhere I do not recognize, a place where they feed you opium and violate your spirit. The first chorus comes in:
Prayers never uttered, blood grace and water, turn to each other, love one another
Love one another. Almost like I want to believe the love is real, but I am not praying, something is bothering me. It doesn’t matter, “love one another.”
It starts quite deceptively, it feels like it’s going for a strictly rap-styled vibe, with some soul/R&B influence in the first chorus (not shown in video.) I break those frames in verse 2 as you can see, even bringing in distorted guitars and some drum work.
I find I like to present a lot of dualities in my art. It is always intentional, but it happens naturally with most things I create in any of my artforms.
on verse 2 and it’s climatic chorus 2
This section changes the song quite a bit and it surprised me when I got it here. It surprised me that it stepped away from becoming a song with some rap bars and an easy-to-bob-your-head-to vibe chorus. It brings energy and intensity weaving meanings within the lyrics. I lean into my gritty head mixed voice in this take.
Give me honest love, fuck me to hell within this cell!
This verse begins what I see as the “apostasy” of the song’s nature. Where rebellion meets compliance. Where I speak truthfully and lean into my primal energy. This verse alone is demanding authenticity, even if it means hell.
I’ll let you digest the rest on your own. The song tends to land differently on different people I have shown it to that I know have experienced religious trauma. It depends on what part of your healing journey you are on, you may take the song as strictly rebellion, but if you’re further along, you may take it as a reminder of liberation and what it took you to get there.
I love writing songs.
