My debut single is released and this is what I learned from it
A little bit of song lore, artist arc, feminism and music!
“Sad girl music” is what bestie called the demo track I had her listen to. Of course, she had already listened to this song’s development for a year! Changes, rewrites and doubts kept the track in my DAW. The audio file was probably named:
Demo-YRND-Final-v99.wavYou’ve been there too. Right? (: Please say yes.
YRND was never intended to be released as my first single. I had already made several other songs that I just couldn’t get right for release, so I made a new song like any good indie artist. YRND taught me a lot, especially about myself. This is what I learned.
It taught me that you’re really never done
At first this lesson kept coming up in videos from seasoned artists and producers. Then my friend reminding me to set a date! And I would, but then I’d add a new track to the existing eighty+ tracks in the project. How else we going to get to demo-final-v99? I suppose the art truly shows its face when you decide it’s done.
I won’t lie, this release has things I hear that annoy me. But it’s just a small annoyance. A humbler if you will.
//annoyed//
It taught me that my voice deserves to be heard in all its textures - (the extended mix)
It’s no secret that I experience vocal dysphoria, I always have since childhood. To add to this, my transition and a dental surgery contributed to greater challenges. This was partly the reason I didn’t want to release the song sooner. I wanted to resolve my vocal issues before the final recording, but it only made it worse, the pressure is no joke.
But I am a queer woman, both by design and by nature.
I strongly feel that my own transition has and will continue to help the women that know me. The women that care about me. The women I care about, and the women they care about.
Throughout my life I’ve seen women treated differently by how their voice is perceived. Too manly, too raspy, too mousy, too whispery, too screechy! As a woman, can you remember any instances where yourself or another woman experienced something related to their voice? Perhaps someone made a comment on it? Or maybe you consciously changed your voice for someone? A job?
The more I learned about my voice, social expectations, and the more I broke gender down, the more I noticed in people’s voices. Especially women’s voices.
Initially my voice was aiming for a cis-passing woman. Sometimes it was quite feminine, my god, I just wanted to be accepted and to feel safe. However over the years I noticed it felt like another box. It’s nice to be gendered correctly by your voice alone, it makes everything easier, but god damn why can’t I also be cute in baritone?
I started testing my low register again, and I first began to do it in my songs, during vocal sessions. YRND felt emotional enough to give me space to do so. My second pre-chorus of the song shows you an example of what I mean. It is something I debated for weeks whether to release it with that recording or not. I am glad I did.
Like I said, I may be a woman, but I am my own woman and no one else. I want other women to hear me, see me and experience my presence in whatever form I give. I want other women to know they can do the same. I want them to keep building their liberation and to keep defying mundane rules placed on them. I yearn for them to determine what sort of woman they want to be, and explore what kind of woman they can still yet be.
It taught me the importance of being intentional even if you have many ideas coming through
I don’t know how it is for you, but when I am writing a song, I often start with the lyrics and my voice. Pacing around my room, scatting and doo-wopping to work out a melody or rhythm is pretty normal. Sometimes I do start on the guitar or keyboard, but that’s usually to spark an emotion for my lyrical inspiration. I don’t often make the music first, though a small melody may help. A small melody can still be easily changed on the fly.
I want to extract the song from the ether, so I use whatever process the song needs. Sometimes melody first, sometimes lyrics.
Here is where I came across a problem. Changing things often opened doors to more, and often new ideas. There is nothing wrong with this of course, in fact this is strongly desired! However YRND taught me that unless I become more intentional with my changes, I would be in a revolving door of ideas and nothing set in stone which can make the song’s completion impossible!
One major change was, the song’s original chorus became a pre-chorus. YRND was meant to be much more chill and nightdrive-esque, but a bigger chorus came out of it in one of my rotating-door-spells. (:
I like how it turned out, but it did change the song’s tonal quality quite a bit, more dynamics and more energy! My next song I am practicing more intentional decisions in order to keep the song moving forward to completion.
It taught me not to worry about what genre of music it fit into
I want to make art. I want to be creative and whimsy with my craft. I can’t do that if I am forcing a genre into my process. I certainly pull inspiration from other music, but I am eclectic about how I approach this. I want to see what I create when I only follow outlines rather than direct templates. I ask not how I can make something sound like someone, but instead who’s creative style makes the most sense for this song? What elements from which genres make more sense here?
There is a very small example I can point to in the song. There is a section toward the end where I am lightly singing “I’ll let you sleep tonight.” What you don’t hear is another vocal track behind it that’s even quieter, it is saying “quiero vivir por me, quiero vivir por ti.” Masking the clarity was intentional, though I know I can do it better next time. During this section, there is a drum and also a cello that adds more low end on every downbeat. This is something I sorta picked up from listening to Hector Berlioz!
The bassline, originally meant to be very minimal and steady got a little funky and a lot more movement. Thank Rick James for that. The explosive high energy chorus and vocals? Chino Moreno. The “primal” drum heavy section? Danny Carey. I can go on and on.
The way I see it, pulling a song from the ether sometimes requires tools from different realities. YRND is such a song. Please give my first single a listen. It is available on all platforms below:
Rad Kalli! Congratulations on the release. It’s a super cool track I really love the way the bass works in it. Sorry it took me a while to find it, been off the stack for a bit for my brain haha.